Yes, There Are Still People Who Wait Till They are Married to Have Sex

Recently, my wife told me about some interesting locker room talk she overheard after yoga class.

One woman, who had a teenage son, was saying how she wanted her son to wait till marriage to have sex. Seems reasonable enough to me. But the other two women didn't think so. They proceeded to inform the other woman of how unrealistic her expectations were and that "no one waits to have sex anymore".

As far as percentages go, those two women may be right. There are probably less people now who wait until marriage than there were 50 years ago. I get that. People look at me like I have two heads when I tell them that Rachel and I didn't live together before we got married. When my parents got married I'm sure it was more normal to not cohabitate before marriage. But none of this gives these women the right to make another woman feel dumb for wanting this for her son.

On another occasion at work I was asked how many chicks I hooked up with in college. The question was not "if" I hooked up with chicks. It was "how many?" The difference is subtle, but really not subtle. The question assumes that as an unmarried man on a college campus, my sole purpose in life was to "hook up with chicks".

These are just a few examples of people assuming that "everyone" has sex before they are married (at least everyone who isn't a nun or a hyper religious person who lives in a cave).

It seems more and more like these people who practice purity are the misfits of our society. Especially, if you are one of them looking for another one. One guy or girl after the other seems to think that intimacy is just a "normal part of dating". They don't think anything of it. The progression is natural to them. Meet. Go on a few dates. Have sex. Date a while longer. Move in together. Get engaged for 5 years. Then get married... maybe.

I am here to say that if you are someone who practices purity, there are no perfect people out there, but there are people out there fighting the same battle that you are, looking for someone like you. There is no reason to settle for the "next best thing". And I am not saying you should only date a virgin. That would be dumb. I am saying you should date someone who is striving to stay pure, regardless of their past.

If you you are having a hard time finding one of these people, I know this is mostly not helpful, but be patient. And pay attention to the people who go under most peoples' radar. These girls are probably not dressed to catch your eye and these guys may not be the smoothest with their words.

One thing, I would say to girls is watch out for the guy who says he "respects your purity". You don't want a guy to "respect" your purity. You want a guy to protect it. If you are a guy or a girl, watch out for the person who doesn't take kindly to the boundaries you put in place. If they are not okay with keeping the door open or keeping the lights on, they should not be okay with you. There are far too many great guys and girls out there looking for a strong Christian to share their life with to waste your time dating losers.