Real Mental Toughness is Doing The Right Thing

When I was in college I used to tell my one friend on the wrestling team to kick me in my family jewels as I stood with my legs spread so I could "build up my mental toughness". If he was a better friend he probably would have said "No! You are an idiot!". But that wasn't the case. He took great pleasure in inflicting pain on me. And for some reason, I let him do it.

I know what you are thinking. Don't worry, I can procreate (thanks to the goodness of God).

Looking back, I think I may have had a convoluted view of what mental toughness was. Yes, part of the whole thing was just because people thought it was funny and I love attention, but there really was part of me that thought it would make me more mentally tough. And maybe in some weird, twisted way it did, but I have to believe there are better ways to build mental toughness.

What is mental toughness? 
It all starts with having the right definition of mental toughness. Is mental toughness the ability to withstand pain? The ability to push through uncomfortable situations? Having the willpower to not give up? I believe all of these are aspects of being mentally tough, but if this is all mental toughness consists of, we could just develop it by doing really hard wind sprints and by letting our friends kick us in the balls. And I don't know about you, but I have seen some people who can run some mean wind sprints that I would not consider to be mentally tough.

In the wrestling world, we often gauge how mentally tough someone is by how they wrestle. We look at how aggressive they are, how the respond when they get scored on, how hard they try on bottom. Stuff like that. And because we gauge mental
toughness based on these things, that is how we try to develop mental toughness. Need to be more aggressive? Try and score as many points in practice as possible. Need to have more desire on bottom? Go wrestle our best top rider for a week. Need to work harder to get off your back? Do some situation drills on your back. You get the point.

All of these are good things, but I do not think they address the core of what is behind mentally weak people. I believe that every time someone does something that could be considered mentally weak, it is because they make a decision to not do what they know to be right. A truly mentally tough person does what is right not matter what. If at the core of who we are, we desire to do the right thing regardless of how we feel and regardless of the consequences, we will continue to fight even when we are losing, we will not stall just because we have a lead, and as long as were aren't dead we will continue to move on bottom. Because those are the RIGHT things to do.

So if real mental toughness is doing the right thing no matter what, then letting your friend kick you in the balls may actually be the opposite of mental toughness, because I could have been putting my future family in jeopardy all to get a few laughs. And wrestling through an injury may be the opposite of mental toughness when you know it could get hurt worse and be bad for your team in the long run. Doing the right thing isn't just about pushing through pain, it's about knowing what you believe and sticking to it.

How do we train for real mental toughness?
I do think there is a place for very hard physical challenges in training for mental toughness. If you train for and run a marathon, you better believe you will be more mentally tough afterwards. But I have never had to convince anyone that hard physical training makes you more mentally tough. For most coaches that is a given.

Here is a thought though. What if sometimes when we think we are developing mental toughness in our team we are actually just making them hate the sport?

What if there is a better way?

What if teaching our team what the right things are and how to do them in ALL areas of life would cary over to the wrestling mat as well?

This is usually where coaches miss the boat. They want their athletes to get better on the mat, so they focus on making them better on the mat while mostly if not completely ignoring the other areas of their life. I truly believe that if you want your athletes or team of any kind to reach their true potential, you must teach them how to live right in all areas of life.

If you say your athletes' personal lives are none of your business I think that is just an excuse to not have to deal with it. Let's face it. getting into issues of how to treat women, porn, sex, alcohol, drugs, and family problems can be a mess! A big mess. And it's uncomfortable. But if you are a coach, you have to understand, you are in a strong position of influence in the lives of young people and if you don't talk about these things, you are saying without saying that these things are not important, when the reality is, these things are the most important.

So if you want a team full of mentally tough people, teach them character. Teach them about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness and self-control. Don't assume someone else will teach them these things.

If you do embrace this perspective and go all in on teaching your team character, there will be a return in the results you achieve. That is not why you do it, but it will happen. I've seen it.