The Power List

I waited longer than I wanted to have kids.
I found a job closer to her family.
I spend less money than she does.
I drive the junky car.
I don't spend as much time with my family as I do with her's.
I make more money than she does.
I always do things that she wants to do.
I've given up so much for her.

The very least she could do is go to this thing with me. I mean, I don't ask for much...

I never said any of this, but it was festering in my soul as I tried to convince her to go to this thing with me. My posture was one of self-righteous contempt and it changed everything about the discussion in a negative way. 

I had created a list in my mind of all the things I had done and do for Rachel. This list was my friend. This list understood me and how great I was. And best of all, this list gave me power. Power to feel justified in my demands. Power to take the moral high ground.
*like this goat ->
And most importantly, power to get my way. 

The list not so subtly omitted any and all of the things Rachel has done for me. If it was an accurate list, it probably would include Rachel moving to Ohio with me two months after we got married. And Rachel supporting us financially in Ohio while I went to school and coached wrestling. And the fact that I love spending time with her family and wanted to find a job close to them. And that I actually kinda like driving the "junky" car. And if it wasn't for her, I would probably never do anything fun, because I hate spending money! Oh, and on top of all that, she does all of the grocery shopping! 

I could be wrong (it's been known to happen from time to time), but I have a sneaky suspicion that I am not the only person who has ever come up with a list like this. You probably don't have it written down, and you probably don't mention it much, if at all, but chances are, if you do have this "power list", it is affecting your marriage and other relationships in your life in a negative way.

The Bible says we are to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. But rather, in humility value others above ourselves, not looking to our own interests, but the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4 - slightly varied Matt Cross version) It's really hard to do that if all we are thinking about is how great we are!

So instead of coming up with a "power list" of all the things we have done, maybe we should start to make a list of all the things other people have done for us. If we do that it will be a heck of a lot easier to interact with the people close to us with a sense humility and truly look out for their interests ahead of our own. We can call it a "humility list". And even though it doesn't sound as cool, it will definitely be more valuable.